Tired of hurting
Pain that won’t heal
Tears I can’t shed
Bruises you can’t see
Stories you won’t hear
Emptiness you can’t understand

Screams are silenced
Pain is dismissed
Unable to hate
Tired of hurting
Tired of loving
It is done


Always …. Hoping for Rumi’s field

Was reading a poem “Always” by Pablo Neruda last night…. and was touched by the second half which read:

Bring them all to where I am waiting for you
We shall always be alone
We shall always be you and I 
Alone on earth
To start our life 

It reminded me of the hymn we used to sing at church when I was growing up, “Come As You Are,”  which went like this:

Come as you are, that’s how I want you
Come as you are, feel quite at home
Close to my heart, loved and forgi ven
Come as you are, why stand alone?
No need to fear, love sets no limits
No need to fear, love never ends
Don’t run away shamed and disheart – ened
Rest in my love, trust me again

Both made me think of a space or a love which exists free of judgement filled only with unquestioning acceptance…. the possibility of which provides me with some level of hope – even if it is fantastical – that Rumi’s field exists and is a place in which I may one day reside. 


I wish my heart would stop hurting
It makes my whole body tired
My eyes hurt, my face hurts
My heart hurts inside
Feeling numb shouldn’t hurt this much

I don’t feel numb
I hurt all over
Every piece of inside
Like you took a place inside my heart
And beat me down from there  

I know you don’t love me
I wouldn’t know what to do if you did
I’m done. 
The tides have turned and I’m done.

Warning…. Unpleasant

I want someone to touch me, 
to fuck me senseless 
Let me feel it tomorrow
Bruises like a ghost
Reminding me of you
My ass burning red
Silk knickers soft against my skin
Freshly best and fucked so hard
I feel nothing around but you
Taking me away from pain
From the days hurt and depression
Hurt my body and make me cum
Distract me from self harm
Bruise my back and choke my breath
Destroy me if you can
I want to feel your strength and power
As you take me from behind
I want you to equal my pain inside
With what you can do to me
Destroy my body.
Match it to my soul.
Is that blunt enough?

My Story

It doesn’t feel like my story.
I didn’t write the lines
So many other voices
Changed a story which was mine

You bound me by your choices 
Taking my body away
Your interest, your desire
It happened yesterday – but changed my every today

I didn’t invite you in  
But now your words are written 
Permanent, black, burned within
A story that no longer feels like mine 

(Picture by Jessica Florence – follow her on Facebook and be amazed!)

Treading Water

With my hands on your shoulders
I can tread water for days
Kidding myself – I can float 
I don’t dependent on you to breath
You tire of my closeness
And dive down deep to swim
Finding new clear waters
While I flounder behind alone 
I struggle to breath 
Hardly afloat
Swallowing bitter salt water
Crying to you “come back”
You return – oh my hero
And close you stay again
I kid myself – I can float
I don’t need you to breath
Floating on false security
Pretending you won’t dive again