Poetry

Egg Shells

I’m walking on egg shells,
Around something that isn’t there
No, not eggshells
Shards of his broken glass
From his mirror not mine
Yet I feel I have inherited the bad luck
The broken reflections tell him a story 
They do not reflect my life or my world 
Shattered reflections, show a disjointed world in reverse
They do not help me to know what he sees
Or understand how to be the things I need to be
Or to find the information he holds and controls
But with so many shards of glass
My skin splits and my blood spills
Hobbling me from running
Forcing me to look closer into my wounds
As I remove every single shard
Each one hurting more than the last – until finally they are gone
Tossing them away
No longer caring what he sees
One day I know my wounds will heal 
Even though ugly scars remain
Reminding me of a journey past
But at least I can run again.

My pointless investment

My pointless investment
My broken mirrors
Returning reflections that I don’t want to see
You can move the light
Distorting what is seen,
You could cloud the air with smoke
And intoxicate me with distraction…
Intoxicate me with you, with your touch –
your scent, your essence, your time
Blind me with anything
Obscure my view
You know closer examination would reveal nothing I want to see
You know where you are standing
– with 20:20 vision, I am stupid and blind
Horror blows way the smoke screen
Broken and damaged it is true
The mirror now works
It shows nothing but me
The lonely girl
Looking into a mirror
Praying for something that isn’t there

Stupid Love

Take my heart,
I don’t need it any more
It’s broken and ugly
Pieces all over your floor
I was so stupid
I started to believe
You thought I was special
That you loved me…
I thought you saw me
I gave you my heart
And then some more
Giving until I forgot where it started
A seamless join between mine and yours
But nothing was mine
I opened up, again and again
I am like the rain on the roof
Tree in the fall
Shedding until I am spent, nothing left to give
Now you want to deny my love
Refuse my heart
Well take my heart
I don’t need it any more
It is broken and ugly
Pieces all over your floor
I am so stupid
I love you

Choose Me

Love me, Choose me
Forget that i don’t fit
Don’t worry that it will be hard
I will never need to forgive you
As I only blame myself
When you hurt me, hate me, take me

Love me, Choose me
Details can wait til morning
Ask me nothing – but don’t promise
Those cause more pain in the end
And I don’t want to blame you
When you hurt me, hate me, take me

Love me, Choose me .
Now.

No Reason

The is no love for me here
But I am holding fast to you
There is nothing that will make me leave
But no reason I should stay
No welcome, no love,
The promise of nothing is all I am owed
You don’t want me, but you take
I am not wanted but I give
I beg with my heart
Love me.

Who Fixes Broken Hearts?

I see the pieces of me as they slip away
Leaving behind open wounds
Burdened still by the weight of memory
Unable to cleanse my mind of you
There is no anaesthetic for this pain
No place in my body to mend
Antibiotics cannot cure this illness
A broken heart – who repairs those?

I cannot forgive, when I cannot blame
It is a shame – this failure of mine
You were you as promised
With no words I broke our vow
Wanting you, needing you
There is no reason for my hurting
You can’t deal with this?
A broken heart – no…. who repairs those?

I stand naked, preparing for my next hurt,
You laughed and you led me
As though you would never ever hurt me
I expected nothing and trusted everything
Never intending to love you
Certainly I would never need you
Then I look in the mirror,
A broken heart – no…. who repairs those?

Luminous

I didn’t ask you to touch me, I asked you to listen,
but apparently I was just a pretty face to you.
The sum of my body parts did not equal functional human,
instead, you saw some meat.
I sang my song,
eloquence flowing from my lips,
and all you saw was rouge,
I covered my skin,
my hair and my body,
yet all you saw was challenge,
Noor, light, this is what emanated from my eyes,
Luminous, the way I was once described.
I gave this to you – all of it.
But all you saw was opportunity
Opportunities to gain, to benefit at my expense
I saw you basking in the glow of my luminous wonder
And I forgot to tell you that it was mine.

Don’t Take Me

I want to touch you, 
To feel your heat,
Don’t take me too far
I have returned your heart
your love has no use to me
But, I want to touch you.
Don’t come home tonight.
and Don’t come home tomorrow.
I don’t want to see you.
I will never again listen.
But, I do want to touch you.
Your heat will make me forget that I hurt.
Don’t take me too far.
Shut your mouth.
There is nothing left to say.
You cannot mend my loneliness
You cannot cure my heart.
There is no love left for you.
I just want to touch you
I just want to feel free, like i did so many years ago.
Don’t take me too far.
I want to touch you, to feel like I used too,
Don’t talk, don’t move,
When I walk away again,
Let me go. Don’t talk.
You broke me.
I just want to touch you once –
A cathartic action, to cure my craving.
It’s for me, not you.
Don’t take me too far.

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